My mother

Until now, even at the age of ninety six, she has been unobtrusive, at least most of the time. Now, she is bed ridden: with a brain tumour, inoperable due to age, so helpless, so dependent - it hurts to see her suffering silently, waiting for the end to come.
What am I to do? Pray for her recovery, which I know, as a medical man, is next to impossible or pray for her quick exist so that her suffering would come to end. Or,THE PRAYER: IS IT TO BRING DOWN THE LOAD OF EXTRA WORK THAT HAS BEEN IMPOSED UPON BY TAKING CARE OF HER DISEASED PHYSIQUE ! A soul search and I am totally confused and shoked, for, all the statements are true:
She has given me the ability to contemplate. She used to; not like SEERS,inwardly,silently, but aloud: yes, she used to talk to herself well aloud and amazing had been her contemplations - anything from a petty redress to a mysterious meta physical question.
She is a wonderful Mother, she exists in the physical form with all her sufferings for the last three to four months probably to train my mind to be in equanimity. "NITHYAM CHA SAMA CHITHTHATHVAM ISHTANISHTOPA PASHYATHU" - The grand daughter's marriage, the proceeding other functions, the festivals, grandson's tonsure and now forthcoming Kedarnath tour ! I am really blessed to crawl towards that state of tranquillity - all the happenings are of the external worlds - let me be the unaffected STHITHAPRAGZAN - Let me be as serene as the still waters of Manasarovar in the cool november mornings, whether I get what I wished or not. Now, I can feel it. It is really fantastic to see that "I" am the person, wishing for something to happen, and now, again, "I" am the person waiting for the suspense to come to an end and "I" am the person, accepting the happening, whether in the desired manner or otherwise AND I AM THE PERSON, digesting either of the results in tranquillity and this Tranquillity gives me more content and more bliss than the desired result. It has taken me sixty long years to wake up into this bliss of Samachiththathvam. MAATHRU DEVO NAMAH:

Though time itself has only a relative existence, our "body – mind – intellect" complex is time bound. It has an expiry date, alas, it is known to the manufacturer alone.
In spite of this, we take இட் for granted தட் the death ஒப் our instrument is not for
the time being, and almost always வி unconsciously expect it to be infinite.


YES!
I AM ETERNAL.
But I have forgotten
myself.
In total amnesia,
what is remembered
as a residue is the only
Truth of the eternal
nature of myself